I'm That Girl

Reading Vogue is bad for me. Does encourage me to work out, though.

So Sean had a line in his last post that has really stuck in my head, and because I'm still sick we're going to make this quick.

"nearly every girl ive ever dated was bi-sexual. not that i let them do that when we were dating, but thats another story for another story."

Not that Sean has ever dated me (I doubt that he ever would) but I have been that girl. The bisexual girlfriend. Which always sounds like a better idea than it is, apparently.

Part of the problem is that I date guys for whom I am superficially wrong. I like girls. They don't like to share. I am endowed, although not overly so. They like smaller breasts. I have wavy/curly hair which quickly deteriorates into Hermione hair if not properly cared for. They like to play with hair. I like to give oral sex. They'd rather give oral sex. I like lacy lingerie. They like cotton boyshorts. Etc. Etc. Etc.

It's the phrase "not that i let them do that" that really gets me. My knee-jerk reaction is a somewhat disapproving "hrm."

But. It's the perogative of anyone in any relationship to choose what is non-negotiable. If sleeping with other people is not negotiable, as it usually isn't in a relationship, then that's okay. It's fine to say "if you want to fuck other women, that's cool, but don't call me." In fact, I'd say that's healthy. I would certainly never "let" any boyfriend of mine prowl around looking for more play.

Add this to the fact that most bisexual women are looking for relationships with men--don't get me wrong, I like girls, but it'd be a rare woman who'd be worth all that fighting for the relationship alone, not to mention the drama that comes with dealing with girls--and the fact that some girls who identify themselves as "bisexual" are more "drunken-bi" or "for-an-audience-bi" and letting the bisexual behavior become a deal-breaker looks like more and more of the right idea.

What causes my initial reaction, I think, is the fact that in all my years of agreeing that whatever piece of meat in a magazine/on the internet they're ogling is incredibly hot, no man has ever asked me to stop seeing women romantically. That's always been my choice, my little sacrifice for them. But honestly? How many men are going to be right up front about it and say "yeah, I'd prefer it if you didn't get all naked with those other chicks while you're seeing me"? Men today are almost required to want the bisexual girlfriend--threesomes, you know, and blondes with big fake tits and all that--and those who aren't okay with it are often too intimidated to speak up.

And to be honest? I don't really date girls anyway. I fall in love occasionally. But I am cripplingly self-conscious about approaching women, so my bisexuality is more wishful thinking, sexual tension, very few experiences, (and possibly, someday, two tickets to the south of france) than anything else.