Take Your Momma Out All Night

Rules for Dating:

1) Never under any circumstances date a guy who gives you shit for ordering a less-girly drink than him.

2) In fact, don't date guys who order girlier drinks than you, period.

3) Men should be old enough to legally drink yet young enough not to be your father within any stretch of the imagination.

4) Penises don't go anywhere mouths don't go first. If a guy won't go down on you, he's either a) inexperienced, b) terrible at it, or c) secretly thinks vagina/sex is dirty and bad and wrong, and not in a fun way.

And vice versa. If you think blowjobs are demeaning, you are watching too much mainstream porn.

5) Never do anything you wouldn't kiss after. Never accept anything you wouldn't kiss after.