In A Box

There's this girl at the rock wall. She has her own shoes and harnass, probably a $200 outlay. She comes, always, with the same guy, who I think is her boyfriend. (though going to the rock wall together is no indication of a relationship outside the rock wall, otherwise I'm dating four or five men) He has his own harnass, but he rents shoes.

The thing that makes me notice this is--this girl can't climb, really. She's timid on the wall, climbs like she's climbing a ladder, not a wall (feet directly below her as opposed to splayed out with knees bent, tiny baby steps up the wall) and often stops to look down or ask to be lowered. She doesn't climb unless requested to, though she will belay her guy.

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, is a lanky bastard who's an excellent climber, and that's what gets me thinking. How on earth did she end up with all this climbing stuff when she doesn't enjoy it that much?

I imagine it goes somewhat like this: Christmas, or an anniversary, he gives her a square-ish cardboard box. She opens it, delighted, to find a pair of climbing shoes (cute blue ones) and a harnass. While she looks at them confusedly he tells her how much he enjoys climbing, how he's taken vacations to climb every chance he gets, and how he really wants her to join him doing this. He teaches her to belay.

And a little bit, she likes it. A little bit. But mostly, inside, she wonders what he didn't see. What he doesn't know about her. And what it is about him that he gives gifts for himself and not for her.

This is a fairly common phenomenon in relationships--holidays and big days come, our big opportunities to show the person what s/he means to us, and we hand them what we wanted in a box, and a pile of expectations on top. Be just like me, or I won't love you. I don't know you well enough to give you something you'd like, so here's what I'd like you to be. Your interests don't make the grade, have mine instead.

I think about the times I've done the same. Given books instead of movies, the wrong CD, forced viewing/doing of things I wanted to see, things I enjoyed, or things I wanted to do.

The truth of the matter is, when we do this, what we are doing is giving ourselves to the other person. It's selfish and misguided, yes, but we want them to take us out of the box, hold us up, and love us.