Oh, Be Forgiving, Let's Keep Living in the Past

Santa's latest post makes me think of my own most attractive person I'll ever date, and the particular set of neuroses that went with it. There's a long story to it but it would be entirely too self-involved even for me. Suffice it to say that we were young, in love past the limits of our years, and he was far, far kinder to me than I deserved.

It seems as though lately the past has had less of a hold on me than in previous months. Perhaps it's because I've been obessessed with my future, with my career and family, neither of which I have yet but both of which are in the cards.

I had a very interesting conversation with my parents last night. I told them about the neuroscientist who came in from San Francisco to talk to us on Friday. Apparently UCSF has a really great neuroscience program. I happened to drop this into the conversation since they like to hear about things related to me possibly getting a job at some point, and my mom pulls this line: "You need to think about your life when you think about graduate school instead of just prestige." Which I think is code for "please do not forget in your pursuit of a doctorate that you should get married and have kids."

I have mixed feelings about this. While it's nice to know they're not pushing me for more schooling, it's also a little strange feeling like they're not supportive of higher higher education. And yes, a master's is probably overkill--I could, in theory, get a job with just my bachelor's. And if I choose prestige over my life, they're not going to be happy. They don't want me on the other side of the country. They don't really want me on the other other side of the country for that matter.

Partially, I would like to stay in Cleveland because I love Cleveland and I'm coming back here anyway after graduate school. I'd like to stay in Cleveland to be close to my brother as he embarks upon his college basketball career. I'd like to stay in Cleveland because here I have a network, and if I want to do research at the Clinic why would I go away from the Clinic and all the people who will pull strings for me to get in?

Not to mention this whole idea of marriage is sounding more appealing. I'm not ready for it yet. But I'm ready to admit it's in the cards for someday. That's a big enough step for now.